Dancing with the Unknown
“You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” #MaryOliver
When I walked into my first Argentine tango class almost a year ago, I had no idea what I was searching for, but I inadvertently stumbled upon something I had been longing for. I had spent years in overdrive, hustling at work, with my unruly horse and at home. Tango confronted me with how I show up relationally—often trying to anticipate outcomes, striving to control a situation, trying to be good for my partner—all efforts in doing rather than being. I saw where at times I waffled in decisions, not always trusting myself to commit to one confident step. Learning how to follow in the dance, instead of leading, felt vulnerable and hard.
I recently returned from a three-week trip to Argentina, steeping in tango, and I am so excited to share it with y’all. Much like my work with horses and yoga, the principles of tango apply across life.
So often our yearning to know the future is simply a means of rushing through the vulnerability of the unknown of the present. This in-between, liminal state is the mystery, full of potent possibility as it unfolds. But not tolerating the tension of the process can lead us to try to have formulated, calculated outcomes, or can cause us to step into an archetypal role like wife, rescuer, mother, etc. It can feel safer than sitting in the unknown. Seeing how much I wanted to be good in the dance, mirrored the ways I was inauthentically playing roles in my marriage and life that stifled my spirit. The urge to do things “right” was interrupting my ability to be real and true.
As Alan Watts said, “Life is a dance, and when you are dancing, you are not intent on getting somewhere…the meaning and purpose of dancing is the dance.” We aren’t rushing to get to the end of the dance, we are savoring the experience of it. The dance exists completely in the present. As an improvised social dance, tango is a living breathing choreography, written in the moment as a cocreation between lead and follow.
The more I learned to follow, the deeper my connection to myself and the people around me started to be. I felt the impact of learning to follow seeping into every relational corner of my life. Each human you dance with, each horse you connect with, can be a bridge for deepening an understanding of ourselves. This knowing happens within the context of the environment, which is ever shifting. How does the connection to your partner change on a crowded dance floor or with a lot of space? How is my connection to my horse different in the forest or the pasture, or when it’s raining or sunny. Life is ever changing and learning to hold the balance of self, other and environment all at once teaches us to be deeper in relationship with change, and therefore deeper in relationship with truth.
It is a joy to watch young kids dance because they are so free. As we age, the vanity of perfectionism that we tie ourselves up with becomes limiting and constrictive, blocking us from connection. I want to be free and living with inhibition. I am learning to tolerate the awkward moments of being a novice, the vulnerability of being a beginner, the embarrassment of mistakes, fully embracing the journey. I am finding it deeply liberating to not have to have it all figured out, or intellectually digested and perfect before showing up in the world. Letting myself be messy and in process is natural, wild and free. Freedom is our birthright, and it comes when we liberate ourselves from the restrictive roles, when we don’t have to be good or perfect.
Our women’s workshop in March is completely experiential and process oriented. No experience necessary. In fact, the less experience, the better. We invite you to the process of embodiment, exploration and experiential play.
