If conflict showed up in explosive or unpredictable ways, or wasn’t modeled at all, in your childhood, it can be challenging to know how to approach it as an adult. Conflict is a natural part of relationships. If you’re curious to explore your own relationship with conflict, check out my latest video and blog post for tools for healthy communication.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose…or perhaps the song should pair the lilting melody with lyrics along the lines of…trauma from our family of origin bubbling up, pressure to be perfect, comparison to others on social media. Afterall, that’s many people’s experience of the holiday season and the holy trifecta of mental health overwhelm. If you are struggling right now, I cannot underscore it enough, you are not alone.

Self-care isn't selfish, it's sustainable. Everything in nature sustains itself through self-assessment, noticing what it needs, not necessarily what it wants, and attuning to itself then meeting that need. Being gentle and compassionate towards oneself is a starting point towards self-care. Compassion is to self judgement as water is to weeds, it allows for easier pulling and release of them. If we can be compassionate with our bodies, we can start to diffuse the judgements and shame.

On the Friday that Roe V. Wade overturned, I was on a road trip to DC to visit my brother. I had just driven through the Blueridge Mountains, when my car turned into a raving discotheque of flashing check sensor lights. A week prior to embarking on this journey, I had my Subaru serviced and had replaced the wheel bearings. The repair person had given me an all clear for the drive to DC. He was wrong. With lights flashing, I pulled into a gas station and made a few calls. Mark, a friendly technician on the other side of the line, walked me through how to check my oil, and what each sensor meant. “As long as the ‘AT oil temp’ light is not flashing, you should be safe to keep driving. But if that light comes back on, stop cause you’re gonna wreck your transmission.”

Success to me is not about driving the nice car, having the big house, going on lavish vacations, rather it’s about the depth of the relationships around me. I want to have relationships centered on connection, and I don’t want to sacrifice that for the sake of completing a task. One of my greatest life teachers on this subject has been a horse, not a human.

Roland is a sassy quarter horse, who’s registered name at birth was “tornado kid” if that tells you anything. He had been passed around to several owners until I laid eyes on him, my rescuing archetype kicked in and the rest is history.

Understanding our basic attachment style can help us to illuminate patterns of behavior in relationship with others as we work towards earning a secure attachment.